The thought sometimes comes when I see a mom holding a normal, healthy baby.
"I've never had one like that."
Yes, my first son is healthy now and quite the smarty pants, but when he was a baby, he spent his first 24 days in the NICU. We held him, but we were advised to let him sleep as much as possible. When they are in the NICU there are so many lines and tubes, that it makes it difficult to really hold them.
When we found out that our second son was going to be born with at least one major complication, my biggest worry was that I wouldn't get to hold him after delivery. It's an odd thing to worry about, but I could just imagine them sweeping him away before I had the chance. Thankfully, that did not happen, and I did get to at least see him right away and get a picture with my husband and I. And then I was able to get a beautiful picture of him before his heart surgery.
After his surgery, it was difficult to hold him again. In fact, one day we were holding him and the IV line pulled out of his head. You can imagine how awful that was. Trenton ended up almost doubling the time that Braydon spent in the NICU.
So because both of my boys were born like this and spent a large number of days in the hospital where we couldn't just hold them and cuddle them, sometimes I think, "I've never had one like that." It's not necessarily a discontented thought, although sometimes it is. It's not that I want to have another baby, but sometimes it's easy to long for that normalcy that bringing a baby into the world usually includes. A birth without complications seems like a wonderful thing.
So if you are a mom and have gotten to hold your newborn without all of the lines and tubes, be thankful. If you have gotten to hold a baby that lived through delivery, be thankful, for some have not. If you have been able to conceive a child, be thankful. Many never are able. We have so much to be thankful for. It's easy to get caught up in the demands that we have for life.
"I must have a natural birth - no C-section for me!"
"We will be happy as long as he/she is healthy."
Some people just want to have a baby.
May I be content even in the moments when I think, "I've never had one like that."